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Couples Counseling lic. phil. A. Saladin |
Being close together and feeling secure are crucial parts of an intimate relationship. This feeling of belonging together, being a unit (WE as a team) and not just an individual (ME alone) is valuable to most people. But how can you maintain these feelings when conflicts arise and when you drift apart from each other - slowly and hardly noticeable - but apparent after some time. Where do you stand as a couple? Couples counselling is also kind of a check-up that helps to identify stumbling blocks.
A relationship consists of two personalities with their own opinions and contours. Over time, needs, ideas and desires within a partnership can evolve differently. This can cause you to feel misunderstood by your partner. Such unfulfilled expectations may lead to withdrawal. Counseling seeks to encourage a conversation that tackles these topics and helps clarifying hopes and concerns.
Maybe you don't know exactly where you stand with your own feelings and you feel torn between stopping or continuing your relationship. Ambivalence is a natural occurrence when conflicts and difficulties creep into a relationship. Oftentimes people feel a need for a change as the relationship in the current state is intolerable. Additionally, stressful events of everyday life and duties need time and focus. Instead of having "couples-time" that would nourrish love and attachment couples find themselves merely functioning to master daily life. This cannot be enough.
A good relationship is a valuable resource for you
life quality. 
In Couples counseling we focus on processes that oftentimes pass unnoticed. This will help to deepen a mutual understanding and help you not to blame your partner but "blame" the negative dynamic that emerged over time in your relationship. Changing relationship dynamics is a common goal that you can only achieve together. Clarifying what has led to your situation and what keeps the issues alive is fundamental for healing injuries and revitalizing your relationship. The process of a joint action, finding together new ways to vitalize your relationship - this will strengthen your mutual sense of trust and compassion.
You can do something! Don't just accept a decline in the quality of your relationship! Negative patterns are not fate. You can do something about the negative spiral and stop hurtful communication. Tensions and crisies are a natural part of relationships - don't justify negativity and helplessness with this. Professional help can help you find back on track. A real loss is to give up before even trying to clarify the situation. Even if your attempt ends in a break-up a close look to the issues the bothered you will help you to learn about yourself and help you understand your part of the relationship.
A secure framework, an atmosphere of appreciation is what I focus on. This will help you express your feelings and reveal your genuine thoughts and concerns about your relationship. A trusting atmosphere makes it easier for you to address the topics that you may have avoided so far or you didn't find the attention from your partner. I ensure that you won't be overwhelmed and that both partners can share their views and feelings. This kind of encounter with your partner is the building block to find back to more intimacy. Discover what is possible when you can talk about anything with your partner in a constructive way. Develop couples communication and joint conflict resolution skills How do you communicate as a couple? Can you resolve conflicts constructively? Do you get loud or do you withdraw from conflicts? Couples counseling is about finding a form of communication that suits you as a couple. Both partners need to be able to deal with the ways you dispute and argue - otherwise it often ends in retreat from one partner and in attack from the other. This happens all to easily. The clue is to find out and experience the power of small behavioral changes that lead to different dynamics in the way you interact. Strengthen couples competences Like communication competence there is a skill I would call couples competence. This is the goal of couples counseling. Establishing a couples communication that empowers you to solve conflicts, to share feelings, to address intimate topics without the fear of getting hurt etc. The sessions can serve like a template of how you can go about it and serve as learning opportunities to a new kind of authentic conversation.
The goal is to have a mindful, sincere and empathetic encounter with your partner in a supportive atmosphere. A counseling process is a journey to your inner thoughts and feelings that you might have kept for yourself all too long. Probably with good reasons as you might need support to express these feelings in front of your partner and have guidance along this journey. We focus not just on improving communication but also on gaining a deeper understanding of the personalities and needs of both partners.
What if this ends in a separation anyway? If serious events happened (being unfaithful or heavy conflicts) that shattered your confidence you might ask yourself whether couples counseling is the right thing to do. Ask yourself whether you would still like to understand the situation? Do you still have a feeling of having the right partner? Keep in mind: A breakup is a big break in any person's life. And even then you might profit from clarification that helps you find closure. A deliberate and conscious process of separation may help you gain insights about yourself and your partner and may serve as a preparation for a future partnership or as a cornerstone of finding back together. A separation in mutual understanding is a building block for both partners to keep good memories, stay befriended and find peace.
If your concern is clearly in the direction of a separation, then we will focus on understanding the individual reasons. When the partner's viewpoints become obvious then diverging interests and ideologies may become more understandable and acceptable. It get's easier to let go and find closure when mutual appreciation can be granted. Recognizing the time spent together as a valuable time where development of your personalities took place would be the ideal outcome of a separation process.
First interview In a first meeting we focus mainly on gaining an overview over all the issues you and your partner mention. This is an opportunity to freely express one's views and feelings within a framework that makes this possible. Based on this, we define mutual goals for your parntership that will serve as a guideline for the journey. A first meeting usually lasts 90 minutes.
The consultations usually take place every 14 days and last usually 75-90 minutes. These are just indications; a first meeting usually lasts longer than the follow-up meetings. Depending on the objective, 3- 10 sessions might serve you best.
Relationship problems are not considered an illness and are not remunerated by health insurance companies. This offer is a consulting service and applies to self-payers. The fee is CHF 180/60 min (including preparation and follow-up). Scheduled appointments are binding and need to be canceled 24 hours in advance in order not to be charged. As a Psychologist, I am obliged to secrecy (Art. 321 StGB).
Paarlife was created by Prof. Dr. Guy Bodenmann, a renowned couples researcher from the University of Zurich. Many studies carried out at his department, Paarlife has constantly been reviewed and further developed. Several studies prove the effectiveness of Paarlife over a long period of time. For many couples, partner satisfaction, partnership communication and problem solving, coping with stress as well as sexuality improved. Positive effects of the training were also
demonstrated on children.
Various studies show that everyday stress undermines the partnership. Negative development passes unnoticed for a long time, like a corrosive process. Finally this leads to alienation between the partners. It is particularly problematic that most of the stress is experienced during the absence of the partner (for example at work or with the children), but that stress from outside spills into the partnership (spill-over effect). Stress that is brought home acts like poison to the couple's climate and increases the likelihood of escalating conflicts, reduces intimate moments and beautiful encounters, and harms the couple's sexuality. Paarlife illustrates these effects and shows how everyday stress can be used to deepen the insights in the partners perspective and experience. Mutual understanding what stress does to the partner and finding ways to manage these strains together as a team (dyadic coping) strenghtens the feeling of belonging together. In doing so, Paarlife not only enhances the couple's competences, but also the intimacy, closeness and trust in one another. An essential part of Paarlife is communication. Destructive communication styles (Gottman's apocalyptic knights) are illustrated in vivid video examples and alternative behaviors are shown. Specifically developed for couples conversations communication methods are practiced in accompanied couples talks.
Paarlife not only remains at the behavioral level (constructive communication, dealing with stress and problems), but also aims to better understand the personality and the needs of both partners.
Paarlife focuses on the role of stress for the relationship, as studies show that communication deficits are often a result of outside stress entering the relationship. Stress undermines the quality of communication, the quality and efficiency of problem solving, reduces the time spent together, creates distance and alienation between partners, and increases couples' dissatisfaction and divorce risk. This is where Paarlife starts.
Paarlife also encourages conflict communication skills and strengthens couple's problem-solving resources ; but that's not enough, as these competencies are often breaking apart under stress . At the heart of Paarlife lies the sensitization of couples to the harmful effects of everyday stress and, above all, how couples can better manage their brought home stress together (dyadic coping).
The realization that dyadic coping not only reduces stress, but also enhances mutual understanding , mutual tolerance and acceptance, intimacy, closeness, and solidarity - this makes Paarlife so effective.
Here you can find further information on Paarlife.
lic. phil. Psychology
Life is about change and development. Many people go through difficult times during their lives; times that seem overwhelming. In my eyes, this ist not a sign of weakness but an expression of humanity. I see myself as a companion to help overcoming such challenging times.
I care about being open minded and not prejudiced. I meet clients on the basis of acceptance and respect and assist them on their individual path. This attidute is a core value that guides my work.
My approach is based on cognitive behavioral therapy and research on couple relationships; in particular on the findings of the couples researcher Prof. Dr. med. G. Bodenmann from the University of Zürich. The approach of emotion-focused couples therapy according to Sue Johnson is also part of my background.
I speak English to a fluent level. I wrote the text of this website by myself - most probably native speakers will find some unusual expressions that show my Swiss-German influence.
You can reach me via phone: 
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Praxis CareTeam
Steinenvorstadt 13
4051 Basel
The practice is located on the 3rd floor. The front door is right next to the Mr. Pickwick Pub.
The red mark in the map below is the location of the practice. The tram stops Barfüsserplatz and Theater are within a short distance. You can click on the tram symbols on the map and get an overview which tram lines run at this stop.
In Liestal only possible on Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday in the afternoon, partly on Saturdays.
Praxis Schauenburg Brüelmatten 1, 4410 Liestal The entrance to the practice is on the 1st floor. The whole quarter is a parking zone, where you can park for 3 hours (use the blue zone parking disc).
